LIL

Born and raised in Brooklyn in 1927, Lilyan “Lil” Nathan grew up in the neighborhood of East Flatbush, within a close-knit circle of uncles, aunts, and cousins. From a very early age, she learned by experience that life is defined by and receives its true meaning from family, friends and community.

What does it take to be a good wedding planner? When asked that question, Lil points to her relationships at the Drake. She was able to develop a rapport with her clients, the couple and their parents. The job requires obvious organizational skills and an attention to detail. A good planner needs to be as calm as someone defusing a bomb. One’s own ego must be kept in check. The event is all about the couple. A good wedding planner has to be in control yet remain in the background, dressed like a guest, yet hardly noticed by the guests. 

Lil not only helped the brides and grooms but also her own relatives as well. Cousin Sheila’s husband, Gerry Peskin, was unhappy with his career. Talented and bright, he just did not find the right position to galvanize his abilities. Lil knew that his avocation was photography and that he had garnered some awards for his work. Wedding photography is a specialty, not quite like clicking sunsets at Yellowstone. Lil suggested that Gerry phone Neal Handelman, a wedding photographer she had worked with. If Neal were impressed with his work, perhaps a new career lay on the horizon. Neal liked what he saw and hired Gerry to work with him, learning the business, just as Lil had done with Shirley. He wouldn’t make a ton of money working for someone else but he had the chance to learn the business. Gerry was a fast study. He needed only one year before he was out on his own, establishing himself as a premier wedding photographer. Lil had the pleasure of recommending his services to many of her clients. They also worked together on many occasions.

There were many highlights from the weddings Lil handled. She noted that some stories from the business could fill an entire book. A wedding should be the happiest moment for a couple.But, sometimes tragedy strikes. Once, the father of the bride collapsed shortly before the ceremony began. What to do? Think fast! Finding a screen in the hall, Lil grabbed it and hid the afflicted father behind it as they waited for the paramedics. The band continued playing as he was whisked away. The show had to go on. Composure and professionalism took over. Lil announced that the bride’s father had been taken in the hospital and was doing his best. He passed away at the hospital, giving the family time for grieving later. The family was grateful at the way Lil handled the difficult situation.

Sometimes relatives of the groom or bride did things that Lil could never have imagined, had she not been a witness to it. It was commonplace for guests to present an envelope containing cash or a check as their gift to the couple. The father of the bride or groom often held the money before giving the envelopes to the couple at the end of the evening. At one event, the father of the bride kept the envelopes in his jacket pocket, then took off his jacket as he danced. When he later retrieved it, the envelopes were missing. What happened? Everyone was aghast. Who took the envelopes?

Fortunately, Hercule Poirot wasn’t needed to figure this one out. Because the entire evening had been recorded, the father of the groom was exposed as the culprit. Lesson of the day: never walk off with the envelopes in full view of the people filming the event. Needless to say, that was not the ideal way to begin a marriage.